[28 Mar 2006|09:09pm] new livejournal. add me. don't add me. i don't care either way. hereliesclarity 3 comments|post comment

i love hugssssss [03 Mar 2006|10:51pm] i guess that i just don't feel like putting any effort into any relationship i could ever possibly have right now. basically. and i guess i should let him know that before i start something. but i can guarantee his speeches on how much he really likes me, aren't genuine, and he'll be over it in a heartbeat. maybe it's just some sick bet he has to prove something to someone. or i'm making him out to be a complete asshole when he's actually being a sweet guy. pretty sad how i just can't tell anymore...and how i just don't feel like figuring it out. when i let things "happen," they go in a totally different direction. but on a better note: i love my friends & applebees. and how evan is just so funny without having to do anything. and the way chad wears his pants when there's snow on the ground...and blah blah blah. and this norwood, MASS sweatshirt i stole from michelle. my favorite thing to wear to bed. goodnight. p.s. missed you tonight, ryanny pants ♥ post comment

rantrantrant [05 Feb 2006|09:19pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | the cranberries - linger ] not even a hello. just: "What is going on with your jeans??" "Soo, are you trying to be 'prep,' or are you trying to be 'punk'? because you're all mixed up right now." "Your fatness is rubbing off on me." "Give me some feedback about politics. Oh wait. Hair and makeup...that's all you think about I forgot." do i really seem that shallow to them? even my own fucking family. my own blood...sees me as some air head who has nothing better to talk about than worthless topics like hair and makeup? honestly. i hate family get togethers. i don't know what it is anymore. but i sat and snuggled a kitty, and that was the highlight of my day, basically. i sat and listened to this woman who is basically another part of my family, talk about special ed kids, and i have never been so angry in my life, and i was so shocked about what she was saying. she was so fucking cold i wanted to scream. AND SHE WAS PROUD OF IT. the fact that she was talking about special needs kids, like they aren't even human beings. immitating them, and saying that if she even tried to explain to them that they weren't capable of learning, or going to college, and had no reason to be in school, that they wouldn't understand, made me so angry. i couldn't believe what was coming out of this woman's mouth, i had to leave the room. grandpa was sitting in the living room, listening to these really really old records. so i sat in there for a while, away from everyone else, and listened to some good classic music. i couldn't wait to go home. i don't hate my family. i just hate the fact that they're so old fashioned, and that they blow every single thing out of proportion. even stupid things, like the fact that i was hanging out in Boston. "So you've been going to see a Boston boy?" like i'm some desperate little shit. if only they knew half of the things my cousin ever did, MAYBE they'd see me in a whole different light. but whatever. they're lame. i have a massive headache. i'm cranky and cold. i do not want to work tomorrow morning. but i have lightning bolts on my shoes: so life is a-ok. ♥

[19 Jan 2006|09:45pm]

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